Fathers are an endangered species. If you are a father who does not see his children on a regular basis for whatever reason, look to the National Parents Organization. (Formerly Fathers and Families.)https://www.nationalparentsorganization.org/
Or read Alec Baldwin's book on Parental Alienation Syndrome, A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce
http://www.amazon.com/Promise-Ourselves-Journey-Through-Fatherhood/dp/0312363362
Here's a song I recently wrote for all fathers who are committed to being there for their children against impossible odds. (This is the theme song to my solo play Prodigal Dad, Part Three in The Mormon Boy Trilogy.)
"Daddy Come Back"
Words and music by Steven Fales
(c) 2013 by Steven Fales
Mamma said daddy was bad.
Mamma said daddy was wrong.
Mamma said daddy left us
And that was just the end of the song.
If mamma was always right
How could I ever doubt?
But there's a voice inside me
That won't stop crying out:
Daddy come back
Into my life
Daddy I'm here
And I don't want to fight.
You are the dad I always had
And I always knew that you
Weren't half that bad.
I always knew you'd pull through
And that you're sorry, too.
You are my daddy
And I choose you.
Prodigal kids are all in the news,
Single mommies and housewives, too.
But I know it's not all that it seems to be
Churches and courtrooms don't always see
That I need you as much as you need me
You are my daddy--please choose me.
Do you remember when I was three?
I have a picture of you playin' with me.
There were all those times when you came to school.
You reached out a lot even when mamma was cool.
Well, I've grown up now, dad,
And I'm no one's fool.
I'm standing here--we're off scot free.
You are my daddy--come to me!
Daddy come back
Into my life
Daddy I'm here
And I don't want to fight.
You are the dad I always had
And I always knew that you
Weren't half that bad.
I always knew you'd pull through
And that you're sorry, too.
You are my daddy
And I choose you.
I have a kid. He looks just like you.
I'm sure if you met him you'd be a big fan, too.
I can imagine now how you loved me so.
Life ain't easy so I, I want you to know . . .
I forgive you dad. Because I love you . . .
God and Time
Have a way.
If you don't believe me
Then how can I say--
I'm comin' back
Into their life.
I'm standin' here and
I'm done with the strife.
I am the dad they always had.
And I now I see that we
Aren't half that bad.
I always knew we'd pull through
I am your daddy--and my heart's true.
Just a bruise or two.
But we're good as new.
I'm never leavin' you!
Steven Fales is an actor/writer/producer best known for his solo play "Confessions of a Mormon Boy" which is now Part One in "Mormon Boy Trilogy." Steven is also a public speaker and creativity coach. www.facebook.com/fales.steven or fales.steven@gmail.com
Steven Fales
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
AIDS at 32: For Whom the Bell Tolls (32 Notables Share Their Stories)
AIDS at 32: For Whom the Bell Tolls (32 Notables Share Their Stories)
Here's a recent article I'm honored to be a part of. From Judith Light to Lady Bunny to Greg Louganis we are 32 "notables" chosen by my friend Kergan Edwards-Stout for his article marking the anniversary of AIDS at 32. I have so much more to share on this topic. This theme is covered in "Prodigal Dad", Part Three in The Mormon Boy Trilogy.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kergan-edwardsstout/aids-at-32-for-whom-the-bell-tolls-32-notables-share-their-stories_b_3363578.html#slide=2514761
Here's a recent article I'm honored to be a part of. From Judith Light to Lady Bunny to Greg Louganis we are 32 "notables" chosen by my friend Kergan Edwards-Stout for his article marking the anniversary of AIDS at 32. I have so much more to share on this topic. This theme is covered in "Prodigal Dad", Part Three in The Mormon Boy Trilogy.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kergan-edwardsstout/aids-at-32-for-whom-the-bell-tolls-32-notables-share-their-stories_b_3363578.html#slide=2514761
Steven Fales
My Liberace/My Menorah
Let me tell you about my personal "Behind the Candelabra." I grew up a faithful Mormon in Las Vegas. When my parents got divorced the shame made me act out--as Liberace. I found these photos of me impersonating the Legend and I had to chuckle. A picture is worth a thousand words, especially when taken in a Mormon meeting house--or ward house. Oh the memories of seminary, volley ball, and all these Las Vegas Mormon. We are a different breed of Mormon for sure.
Here's an excerpt from my book about the experience.
"And for anyone who's still not convinced [I'm gay], I'm famous for the Liberace impersonation I did at a church talent show when I was seventeen. I came out from the wings holding a candelabra, wearing my high school madrigal prince charming costume (I designed it myself, sewed on all the pearls by hand). I had on tights and my mom's full-length chinchilla [actually it was her silver fox]. I played 'Rustles of Spring' [and Claire de Lune!], then swapped "funeral potato" recipes with the Relief Society sisters on the front row. 'Not too much sour cream, Sister Edwards!"
Buy the book on Amazon, Confessions of a Mormon Boy: Behind the Scenes of the Off-Broadway Hit (Lambda Literary Award Finalist): http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Mormon-Boy-Behind-off-Broadway/dp/B007MXO1H6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370915352&sr=8-1&keywords=Confessions+of+a+Mormon+Boy+Book
I must say that the candelabra was actually a menorah. My mom's side of the family went to Israel once a year like all good upper-middle class nouveau riche Mormons to loot the Holy Land of all its olive wood figurines and anything made of brass. [Mom's side of the family is now broke! Now just Mormon White Trash with Champagne Taste on a Beer Income.] I grew up in what could have been a Jewish book store on the Upper West Side. I am NOT kidding. It just goes to show that Mormons are wannabe Jews. And so I grabbed the closest "candelabra" I could find for my skit. I hope it's not offensive or disrespectul. I was totally oblivious to what was going on including the irony of playing Liberace.
Later I would live part of Liberace's ex-lover's experiences. Minus the plastic surgery, but enter recovery!
Keep playing the piano and singing no matter what culture you come from! And light a candle for all of us!
Here's an excerpt from my book about the experience.
"And for anyone who's still not convinced [I'm gay], I'm famous for the Liberace impersonation I did at a church talent show when I was seventeen. I came out from the wings holding a candelabra, wearing my high school madrigal prince charming costume (I designed it myself, sewed on all the pearls by hand). I had on tights and my mom's full-length chinchilla [actually it was her silver fox]. I played 'Rustles of Spring' [and Claire de Lune!], then swapped "funeral potato" recipes with the Relief Society sisters on the front row. 'Not too much sour cream, Sister Edwards!"
Buy the book on Amazon, Confessions of a Mormon Boy: Behind the Scenes of the Off-Broadway Hit (Lambda Literary Award Finalist): http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Mormon-Boy-Behind-off-Broadway/dp/B007MXO1H6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370915352&sr=8-1&keywords=Confessions+of+a+Mormon+Boy+Book
I must say that the candelabra was actually a menorah. My mom's side of the family went to Israel once a year like all good upper-middle class nouveau riche Mormons to loot the Holy Land of all its olive wood figurines and anything made of brass. [Mom's side of the family is now broke! Now just Mormon White Trash with Champagne Taste on a Beer Income.] I grew up in what could have been a Jewish book store on the Upper West Side. I am NOT kidding. It just goes to show that Mormons are wannabe Jews. And so I grabbed the closest "candelabra" I could find for my skit. I hope it's not offensive or disrespectul. I was totally oblivious to what was going on including the irony of playing Liberace.
Later I would live part of Liberace's ex-lover's experiences. Minus the plastic surgery, but enter recovery!
Keep playing the piano and singing no matter what culture you come from! And light a candle for all of us!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
One Pride for All
So it's Gay Pride season and I've been thinking once again that there really should be just one day a year officially called "Gay Pride." This is blasphemy to some, but I have a lot of good reasons for this. I'll be writing an essay on it. We'll see what happens. The last Sunday is June is Gay Pride. Accept no substitutes. Too many Prides dilute the message. More to come.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
My Mormon Boy Update Email Blast
Dear Friends,
Greetings from fabulous Utah! (Ahem.) There is so much
happening! Thanks for letting me share these links to my work. I hope you’ll
find them exciting, inspiring, and FUN!
NEW ALBUMS – LIVE FROM
LONDON!
Confessions of a
Mormon Boy (Live from London) is getting 5-star reviews! Now on iTunes and
Amazon! BroadwayWorld.com 5-star review: http://offbroadway.broadwayworld.com/article/BWW-Review-Inspiring-CONFESSIONS-OF-A-MORMON-BOY-LIVE-FROM-LONDON-is-Moving-and-Provocative-20130314
Get the album for free when you contribute $10.00 to my Mormon Boy Trilogy IndieGoGo Campaign
now thru June 15th (link includes new “Mormon Boy Theme Song” Slide
Show!) http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-mormon-boy-trilogy/x/3023743
Mormon American
Princess Live album is currently being mixed and engineered. It’s touching
and hilarious! Here’s a sneak peek at one number I wrote called (ahem)
“Narcissus”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua-ZBRszFb4
“Broadway Mormon Medley”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hq6lhulElJk
“Prodigal Dad Medley”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRWR2flfumA
UPCOMING SHOWS – THE MORMON
BOY TRILOGY
After recent runs in Houston and Halifax, Confessions of a Mormon Boy at Buffalo
United Artists on September 30th and at the University of Maine Oct. 17th!
Here’s a sexy and harrowing scene from
Confessions: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wy2v1aeTa-0
The Mormon Boy Trilogy
will open off Broadway after an out-of-town tryout at Richmond Triangle Players
in Virginia Jan/Feb 2014. See Confessions
of a Mormon Boy, Missionary Position, and Prodigal Dad in repertory! Another international tour is in the works.
NEW CABARETS – MORMON
AMERICAN COWBOY
Mormon American Cowboy
on Oct 25 and A Mormon Boy Christmas
on Dec 23 at the Metropolitan Room in New York. Here’s a new song from the
show! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esOcbyYlqxI
My new stand up show in development is called When All Else Fales! Moving beyond
Mormon!
NEW BOOKS – LATTER GAY
SAINTS
Latter Gay Saints,
a new anthology I’m honored to be part of comes out July 15th. It
features excerpts from my new show Missionary
Position and it’s getting incredible press already! See this Huffington
Post Article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/24/gay-mormon-characters-in-the-arts-step-out-of-the-shadows_n_3323515.html
My new book Mormon Boy:
A Memoir of Royalty and White Trash in America is currently being shopped
by my agent in New York. I’ve been working on it for years! Fingers crossed.
My first Lambda Literary Finalist Book Confessions of a Mormon Boy: Behind the Scenes of the Off-Broadway Hit
is still available on Amazon! High school students are winning state drama
awards with these monologues all over the country! Check out this student http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Evz7IhJAoN4
WORKSHOPS
“The Extraordinary Artist.” This one-day workshop will
inspire anyone to produce what they create.
June 22nd in Salt Lake City! “Steven has a gift for igniting
the creativity of others.”—Julia Cameron, The
Artist’s Way. I’m featured in her new book The Creative Life: True Stories of Inspiration http://www.amazon.com/The-Creative-Life-Tales-Inspiration/dp/1585428248
FUTURE FILM & TV
The DVD of Confessions
off Broadway is in the works. Excommunication scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwCXiL61fCI
Mormon Boy is an
epic documentary film about a storyteller compelled to keep sharing his stories
all over the world. You should see the
footage we shot in Edinburgh and London!
And would you watch a web series called The Mormon Boy Cooking Show? Fashion, fitness, faith, and FOOD! It’s
something up my sleeve like Mormon Boy jeans? “When you wear Mormon boy, you’re
wearing the truth!”
Just for fun, the national “Ski Utah” commercial some of you
might have recently seen! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FESd7TuQcXQ
It’s been a very challenging few years post-Recession. I’m
moving back to NYC in July after two wonderful (and humbling) years being
available to my kids in Utah. They are now basically all grown up and daddy is
returning to the Big Apple a lot more sober and a whole lot wiser.
The one thing that has remained constant has been creating
new work—and there are a lot more projects ahead that I will share later. (I’ve
already gilded the lily!) Thank you for all your support as together we take
things to the next level! I can’t do
this alone. I’d love to hear from you!
Keep smiling!
Steven Fales
https://www.facebook.com/Fales.Steven
Twitter @mormonboy
"Steven Fales is easily among the best, if not the
best, solo performers in the business." --BroadwayWorld.com
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
"The Smile" on Andrew Sullivan's THE DISH
I want to archive my mini essay "The Smile". It was featured on a blog post by Andrew Sullivan. Check me out on The Dish as he dishes on Mitt Romney's laugh. http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2012/05/23/the-romney-laugh-ctd-2/
Note from the
Playwright
“The Smile”
The
Mormon Smile is made by first thinking how deeply grateful and blessed you are
to belong to “the only true and living church upon the face of the whole
earth.” As one of the chosen, this thought brings you incomparable glee that
just can’t be contained. Your smile’s size is proportionate to just how many
Mormon pioneer ancestors you had sweat and freeze across the Plains. If you are
truly Mormon royalty, your smile will be enormous! Imagine your favorite hymn
or Disney’s “It’s a Small World” playing over and over in your head as you
compulsively smile your charming, wholesome, flashy, adorably irresistible
perky Osmond smile.
The
smile comes through the eyes, not just the teeth—they twinkle and sparkle,
eyebrows raised high. As you smile, your head is cocked a little to the right
to show the world just how cute and sincere you are. There’s maybe a little
shrug and a giggle of delight—perhaps an unconscious condescending wink.
There’s a spring in your step. You want to have the best smile possible, so
brush and floss your teeth after every meal. Teeth-whitening is rarely
necessary because, as a good member of the Church, you don’t drink wine or
coffee or use tobacco in the first place. The most precious and righteous
Mormons do not need braces. Many find that their smiles help them read in the
dark. They also find it hard to kiss, as puckering is difficult with
overdeveloped smiling muscles.
Your
smile can be used for many things, but its official purpose is to attract
others to the Church (and other multilevel marketing schemes—think Amway). You
smile all the time because you never know how or when your smile might convert
another to the source of true happiness—“mainstream” Mormonism. (Just one smile
can metastasize the world!) If you’re ever caught not smiling, you will be held
responsible for all the souls who would have been saved had you been smiling as
you should have been. Some of your salvation may be deducted in the next life
if you’re not careful. You must avoid this and any guilt with every fiber of
your being. As it says in the bible, “Let your light so shine.” So smile
brightly! Sing an hymn: “Scatter sunshine all along your way . . .” or “Jesus
wants me for a sunbeam to shine for him each day . . .”
Remember,
in the end it’s all about who wins. . . er . . .can be the nicest. And nice
winners smile. Even when crying, continue smiling at all times—even when you
are alone. (Someone may be watching!) And if you ever feel like swearing, smile
instead. (Kill ’em with kindness!)
But
don’t think because Mormons smile ad nauseum they don’t know what pain
and suffering is. They do. It’s just that they have a hope and uncompromising
optimism that comes from their faith—and their proud pioneer legacy. They can
endure all things, including any tragedy, because one day they will live
eternally with their “elect” loved ones again in paradise. They live into
a glorious future (they believe that they will one-day become gods themselves)
that transforms their present, making them extraordinary neighbors. (And they
live an average of ten years longer than you will—having the last laugh. They
will be re-writing herstory.) Their burdens are lighter than others because
they alone lay claim to the gift of the Holy Ghost—sent to comfort them in
their times of need. But only if they are worthy of such blessings. And, as
luck would have it, they usually are. Well, most of them are--the straight ones.
5-Star London Album Review from www.Stagezine.com
It was quite a Memorial Day yesterday. One year since I broke up with someone I was hoping would be Mr. Right. It's been a year now and I'm willing and able to move on. When I love, I love powerfully--it takes time to heal.
The evening ended with a Google Alert. I received a five-star review for my album "Confessions of a Mormon Boy (Live from London)" from Scott Harrah of www.StageZine.com.
"This must-have recording is that rare soundtrack of a solo show that you will want to listen to over and over again. Anyone will find much to savor in this spoken-word gem!"
Here's the link that will take you to the full reviews and the links to the album on iTunes and Amazon! http://www.stagezine.com/mormonboysoundtrack.html
The evening ended with a Google Alert. I received a five-star review for my album "Confessions of a Mormon Boy (Live from London)" from Scott Harrah of www.StageZine.com.
"This must-have recording is that rare soundtrack of a solo show that you will want to listen to over and over again. Anyone will find much to savor in this spoken-word gem!"
Here's the link that will take you to the full reviews and the links to the album on iTunes and Amazon! http://www.stagezine.com/mormonboysoundtrack.html
Top 25 Gay Mormon Plays
I seem to have made the list of 25 plays in the last 20 years that deal with the gay Mormon experience. I have written four of the 25 and I have more to come: Sacred Strain and Cleft both go further than ever before.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Sex Sells! Day 30 Photo
Sex sells. And boy do I know. This photo got me into so much trouble. But I'm using it now to raise money in a more legitimate way. Help me tell my story about getting OUT of the sex industry just in the nick of time by donating to my "The Mormon Boy Trilogy Off Broadway 2014" IndieGoGo Campaign.
Donate $10 and get my new album "Confessions of a Mormon Boy (Live from London)!" Please donate right away. Only $6,900 and 30 days left to go! I need your help and can't fund my work alone. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-mormon-boy-trilogy/x/3023743
Donate $10 and get my new album "Confessions of a Mormon Boy (Live from London)!" Please donate right away. Only $6,900 and 30 days left to go! I need your help and can't fund my work alone. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-mormon-boy-trilogy/x/3023743
Over eleven years clean from my sex work "experiment"!
Sugar Daddy Free!
18 Months of Living Clean
And so today I have eighteen months clean and sober. I have had "one year" several times on this journey but eventually I would fall through the cracks due to a move or even a break-up or being broke or any other resentment that might flare up. So this is an important milestone for me--the most "clean time" I've had since starting this journey in October 2003.
I started "binging" on alcohol after my divorce and excommunication Aug 2000. I was 30 years old. Within a year I was introduced to crystal meth in a penthouse in New York. I didn't know what was about to hit me. It blew my gaskets and my pleasure centers were thrashed! The crash was beyond demoralizing. I was addicted the first time I used.
There is no way to tell all my story right now and at this time. It was hard to admit I had a problem because I seemed so "normal" and no one around me thought I had a problem. But deep inside I knew I did. It was like a tsunami ready to crash upon me all the time--and it did.
I am grateful that recovery found me within two years of binging and that the programs I started held my hand until I could have enough bottoms to surrender.
I am so grateful for this journey. Recovery is something I learned I could not do perfectly. This is a hard thing to accept for a "Mormon boy." Humility is something that I lacked.
So here is to another 18 months one day at a time. Easy Does It. First Things First. May I continue to show up for life, learn how to serve others and to still be able to say at the end of each day (like I do at the end of Confessions of a Mormon Boy), "Heavenly Father, thank you for my life."
I would be happy to hear from anyone privately who thinks they might have a problem. Maybe together we can talk about a solution that could work for you. It seems to be working for me at this moment. And I see it work for others with much more time and experience. God bless.
fales.steven@gmail.com
I started "binging" on alcohol after my divorce and excommunication Aug 2000. I was 30 years old. Within a year I was introduced to crystal meth in a penthouse in New York. I didn't know what was about to hit me. It blew my gaskets and my pleasure centers were thrashed! The crash was beyond demoralizing. I was addicted the first time I used.
There is no way to tell all my story right now and at this time. It was hard to admit I had a problem because I seemed so "normal" and no one around me thought I had a problem. But deep inside I knew I did. It was like a tsunami ready to crash upon me all the time--and it did.
I am grateful that recovery found me within two years of binging and that the programs I started held my hand until I could have enough bottoms to surrender.
I am so grateful for this journey. Recovery is something I learned I could not do perfectly. This is a hard thing to accept for a "Mormon boy." Humility is something that I lacked.
So here is to another 18 months one day at a time. Easy Does It. First Things First. May I continue to show up for life, learn how to serve others and to still be able to say at the end of each day (like I do at the end of Confessions of a Mormon Boy), "Heavenly Father, thank you for my life."
I would be happy to hear from anyone privately who thinks they might have a problem. Maybe together we can talk about a solution that could work for you. It seems to be working for me at this moment. And I see it work for others with much more time and experience. God bless.
fales.steven@gmail.com
Latter Gay Saints
There is an exciting anthology coming out July 15th by Lethe Press called Latter Gay Saints in which excerpts from my solo play Missionary Position are included. I'm one of 22 writers selected. The cover's artwork is by Trevor Southey. Look for it! I think it will be a real showcase for the gay Mormon experience. http://lethepressbooks.com/
There is a feature story about the book and gay Mormon characters in literature. It has appeared in the Washington Post and now on Huffington Post. I'm honored to be in this company! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/24/gay-mormon-characters-in-the-arts-step-out-of-the-shadows_n_3323515.html
Missionary Position is Part Two in The Mormon Boy Trilogy which also includes Confessions of a Mormon Boy and Prodigal Dad.
There is a feature story about the book and gay Mormon characters in literature. It has appeared in the Washington Post and now on Huffington Post. I'm honored to be in this company! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/24/gay-mormon-characters-in-the-arts-step-out-of-the-shadows_n_3323515.html
Missionary Position is Part Two in The Mormon Boy Trilogy which also includes Confessions of a Mormon Boy and Prodigal Dad.
Serenity
I wrote this song to help me heal after a breakup. It's been almost a year and time to let go. Serenity to all.
SERENITY
Music and lyrics by Steven Fales
(based on the painting “Serenity” by Daniel Pollera)
This song may be too intimate,
But sweetheart I’m so into it.
I have found
SERENITY
In you.
And all the walls are bright
The sea is calm and blue
And afternoons with you
We’re walking in the sand
Or play your baby grand.
But that place
Is water colored walls
Just two dimensional
I’m trapped inside a dream
The picture’s cruel and mean
There’s no light from above
And we’re not making love.
Making love to you.
This song may be too intimate
But I was just so into it.
How will I ever heal
And find a love that’s for real?
Reality,
Bring back
SERENITY.
An idyllic scene of sorts
There’s a pair of empty shoes
Symmetrical and new
But the shoelaces don’t fit
And so the shoes just sit.
And that scene
Is now a scene for one
Bare footprints could be fun
But you’ve locked yourself inside
And I won’t let you hide.
I’d save you if I could
But I don’t know if I should.
There’s no knob on the door
You don’t answer anymore.
I’ll save you. Yes, I can.
No! You’re the superman!
Waking up with you.
I was so darn into it.
You’re my biggest sober hit.
Now I’m alone it’s true
Wishin’ I was there with you.
We were so deep in love.
Help me find strength above
I may be crazy
But join me.
We’ll make
SERENITY.
And windows full of sun.
So spotless they don’t gleam
‘Cause everything’s so clean.
There’s not a speck of dust
And pipes don’t ever rust.
But that room
Has no pulse or breath
A slow and perfect death
No place for dogs or kids
Or leftover dinner lids
Disapproval and disgust
With no laughs or lust
And fear has killed all trust.
That’s not a place for us!
If you don’t want to play
This song will surely find a way
To give to you from me
My love eternally
And bless you anyway
I don’t know how to say
More than—
The waves come crashing on the rocks
And no lighthouse can rescue us.
Don’t let me drown.
I’m going down.
I want--
SERENITY!
Or you won’t get a chance
To see what’s really there.
Look, really get a stare.
Above the window pane--
Look, there’s a water stain.
It is faint.
You couldn’t see before
It’s not perfect anymore.
It never was that way
And look, we’re still okay.
I’ll try harder not to fix
Anymore of your tics
With all my selfish tricks.
This song may be too intimate
But I am still so into it.
SERENITY
Wondering what is true.
I can’t stop wanting what we had
Because the good outweighs the bad.
I would trade it all for you.
Come back to me.
You’re my
SERENITY.
This song may be too intimate
But I was just so into it.
SERENITY.
Come back to me.
Let me learn
And let me earn
SERENITY.
The picture’s still undone.
It’s called SERENITY.
SERENITY
Music and lyrics by Steven Fales
(based on the painting “Serenity” by Daniel Pollera)
SERENITY
Making love to you.This song may be too intimate,
But sweetheart I’m so into it.
I have found
SERENITY
In you.
There’s a place
Where all the light is rightAnd all the walls are bright
The sea is calm and blue
And afternoons with you
We’re walking in the sand
Or play your baby grand.
But that place
Is water colored walls
Just two dimensional
I’m trapped inside a dream
The picture’s cruel and mean
There’s no light from above
And we’re not making love.
It’s not
SERENITYMaking love to you.
This song may be too intimate
But I was just so into it.
How will I ever heal
And find a love that’s for real?
Reality,
Bring back
SERENITY.
There’s a door.
It leads out to a porchAn idyllic scene of sorts
There’s a pair of empty shoes
Symmetrical and new
But the shoelaces don’t fit
And so the shoes just sit.
And that scene
Is now a scene for one
Bare footprints could be fun
But you’ve locked yourself inside
And I won’t let you hide.
I’d save you if I could
But I don’t know if I should.
There’s no knob on the door
You don’t answer anymore.
I’ll save you. Yes, I can.
No! You’re the superman!
I want
SERENITYWaking up with you.
I was so darn into it.
You’re my biggest sober hit.
Now I’m alone it’s true
Wishin’ I was there with you.
We were so deep in love.
Help me find strength above
I may be crazy
But join me.
We’ll make
SERENITY.
There’s a room
With lots of space to runAnd windows full of sun.
So spotless they don’t gleam
‘Cause everything’s so clean.
There’s not a speck of dust
And pipes don’t ever rust.
But that room
Has no pulse or breath
A slow and perfect death
No place for dogs or kids
Or leftover dinner lids
Disapproval and disgust
With no laughs or lust
And fear has killed all trust.
That’s not a place for us!
SERENITY
I’ll make it up to you.If you don’t want to play
This song will surely find a way
To give to you from me
My love eternally
And bless you anyway
I don’t know how to say
More than—
SERENITY is past
So what am I to do?The waves come crashing on the rocks
And no lighthouse can rescue us.
Don’t let me drown.
I’m going down.
I want--
SERENITY!
Take a look.
Not just a passing glanceOr you won’t get a chance
To see what’s really there.
Look, really get a stare.
Above the window pane--
Look, there’s a water stain.
It is faint.
You couldn’t see before
It’s not perfect anymore.
It never was that way
And look, we’re still okay.
I’ll try harder not to fix
Anymore of your tics
With all my selfish tricks.
SERENITY
Make it up to you.This song may be too intimate
But I am still so into it.
SERENITY
Wondering what is true.
I can’t stop wanting what we had
Because the good outweighs the bad.
I would trade it all for you.
Come back to me.
You’re my
SERENITY.
SERENITY
Making love to you.This song may be too intimate
But I was just so into it.
SERENITY.
Come back to me.
Let me learn
And let me earn
SERENITY.
We could be havin’ fun.
Sober oblivion.The picture’s still undone.
It’s called SERENITY.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
The Prophecy
THE PROPHECY*
by Steven Fales
by Steven Fales
New York is my mistress I surely shall want
She maketh me to lie down in dark pasturesShe leadeth me beside the crystal meth waters
She cheateth my soul
In the valley of the shadow of the urban jungle
I can never find the right place to pee
So once again I am wet with shame
She has too many tempting alleyways
I cannot decide how far down to go
Or which subway will take me all the way
One is too many and a thousand never enough
Unless this time she will kindly not hold the door
Death, thy name is More!
Bigger, bigger, pull the trigger . . .
I sketch and shuffle across bridge and tunnel
With my tweak and my stink
In my autumn hoodie I scare and
Scatter elders, tweens and twinks
As you speed me to squalor
From Chelsea dungeons to Brighton Beach dawn
I clench my teeth too tired to yawn
So cold you can smell that the falling rain
Will soon turn to snow to salt my brain
And in my flip-flops I straddle and trudge
As you strut on by and I cop my grudge
You cost all I have and barely give back
Your displeasured countenance
And hostile indifference terrify me
I feel alone as you swallow me whole
Too good to call whore at your prostitute’s craft
In your sexy black dress
So bad you can’t even wear red
Trade your heels in for boots with that killer skill
I harness my gods to thy ravenous will
What else is in that duffle?
Trouble, trouble, quite a double
Thy rod and thy staff they escort me
Thou preparest a table before me
In the presence of Hell’s dark Kitchen
My Canal Street Rolex has stopped
My lighter, too, you want it?
I’m sorry, but this time
I just can’t seem to
Give it up or
Get it up or
Keep
It
Up
Look me in the eye through your
Glory holes and buddy booths
You don't see me from behind
As I assume the position
You're the dawg tag choker
I’m milked bone dryGlory holes and buddy booths
You don't see me from behind
As I assume the position
You're the dawg tag choker
And that strap on you’re wearing
Could use some more lube
The least you could do
After all we’ve meant to each other is spit
Is that you or me on the faceless, plasma screen
I don’t ever want to know who’s riding whom
It’s all uploaded and downloaded and over with now
Your virus is high and my t-cells are low
I’ve tasted my blood and know that it’s so
Damn, you for burning my thigh with your pipe
And me for ever letting myself smell this ripe . . .
You taketh my youth, beauty, talent, funds--
I have only dreams to giveAnd dreams won’t pay for the view
Not in the swanky penthouses wherein you reign
I can’t even furnish the foyer
The change bowl is filthy copper now
Or is it zinc and soot?
Zounds! The spending loot’s long gone
With only receipts to remind me
That now I am hopelessly drifting in debt
Compounded interest cuffing my heart
Waterboarding what once was hope and art
You are a frenzied banquet on which others feed
Napkin? Crab cake? Tartare? Bizarre!
Your tall flute runneth o’er as I lick the flowing lucre
And hunger and thirst in your miserable, gluttonous presence
Bubble, bubble, have a double
Straddle, straddle, wield your paddle
Weak and undone even Broadway’s no funEach gay exhibit doth now prohibit
I can’t even score a free pass to Dendur
And I am not brave enough to go
Where mafia has fed my tribe before
Just ask your red-headed step sister, Vegas
Or my mama’s Mormon daddy
No longer a hooker myself (I know the drill)
Hustle, hustle, feel my muscle
Shazam! Bam! I will not slam!
Leave me! Go! Find another victim
If you can
If you dare
What
Do
You
Care
Choose your poison as you huff and puff
Passion passes me by like the parades you fake
And the faggots you smoke
All your manic whims and wishes are wasted on me
For johns will be johns--sores, warts and all
The transaction’s complete
In the wreckage of your presence
I defer to the future
Be careful what you wish for because . . .
I will return one stormy night
When I can foot your bill andPay your rent late fees and all
And extend your lease without rent control
Say good bye to your pad up on high
In your hipster tower that makes Trump men sigh
I will marry you at last
And bring you down
And slow you down
And
Change
Your
Gown
Surprise! Astonish! Astound!
No limo for you but a taxi for two
I will be the pimp you truly needed
But did not think was man enough
No longer a sugar daddy or trophy wife
We will partner, sweetheart, dear
You will dress in white and so will I
Equally bound with veil and tie
And you will have our sober child
Struck whole and complete the nor’easter past
Blunting steeples and uprooting trees
Littering parks like a ce-me-ter-y
Hovel, hovel, no more shovel!
We will make love to vanilla flames
And lavender lotion shall soothe and calm
I’ll play pi-a-nah and you will singWhile daffodils dance to our plunk and ping
Together we’ll cook and read the Times
And nurse the child as St. John’s chimes
Give the nanny the day off—for life!
Let the Boston terriers back in
And take off the leather leash for good
No tag or muzzle for them, you or me
No more need for harm or even charm
We shall dwell in a sunny two-bedroom
Pre-war, fifth floor, modest decor
With coffee, mint and Kelly green
And butterfly kisses on places we keen
Geraniums bobbing in the window box
Running around in just summer socks
Iced tea and lemonade freshly made
Plenty of ice cream in the freezer to raid
On the Upper West SideRunning around in just summer socks
Iced tea and lemonade freshly made
Plenty of ice cream in the freezer to raid
Between 72nd and 86th Street and Riverside and W.E.A.
Pushing a stroller we will be seen
Amen and again, amen and amen . . .
*Origninally titled "New York is My Mistress (Ode to Meth)". This was written in the depths of the Recession after a break up in New York (and a hefty binge) November 2009.
I Like the Villians!
My death scene as Edmund in King Lear, Connecticut Repertory Theatre.
"For the pure sensuous embodiment of evil, Steven Fales alone is worth the price of admission."
--Norwich Bulletin.
A villain is a character who just hasn't found recovery yet!
When I was in college and graduate school I was often cast as the charismatic villain in the play or musical. How could this be? Wasn't I a good wholesome Mormon boy? Yes, I was. But I found I could tap into the villain mentality quite easily even though I had never, ever done anything "bad" or "wrong" in my life. Maybe it was a way to express family secrets. Maybe it was a foreshadowing of things to come.
When I began using and drinking and whoring at 30/31 I wanted to play the good guy. And now after a fair amount of recovery I want to play the villain again! I've played Edmund the bastard in King Lear and I love the cads having played "Joe" in The Most Happy Fella, "Gerry" in Dancing at Lughnasa, "Kodaly" in She Loves Me and even white trash "Tom Joad" in The Grapes of Wrath. I've played many others (onstage and off!). Give me the lost guy with the fading smile--the featured role needed to let the "good guy" shine and who will ultimately outshine himself. I understand my shadow today--it's yearning for the light.
So as I plan to move back to NYC I wonder if I am meant to play the nice dads in the commercials I've been doing or to go back to the villains with a new understanding.
I'm drawn to the story of being burned by the world and reclaiming and redeeming the villains! It's pretty evident if you get to see my new solo play Prodigal Dad in The Mormon Boy Trilogy. The prodigal is destined to make it back home.
Here's the link to my IndieGoGo Campaign. Help me bring more villains into the world! https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-mormon-boy-trilogy/set_up
Friday, May 10, 2013
Day 36 Making Mormon Music
In my family growing up "Mormon" meant growing up "Music!" Mom played the piano and I would sing . . . and later take piano lessons. She would play "Rustles of Spring" or "Maleguena" for hours as I'd dance. But most of all she'd play show tunes to "Fiddler" and "Camelot" and hymn after hymn.
The Mormon Boy Trilogy is not a musical, but all three solo shows have just enough singing to help tell the story: Confessions of a Mormon Boy, Missionary Position, and Prodigal Dad.
I hope you will look at my IndieGoGo Campaign and help me bring my beloved family's music to life Off-Broadway 2014. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-mormon-boy-trilogy/x/3023743
Donate just $10 and get the new album for free! "Confessions of a Mormon Boy (Live from London)!"
Thank you for the music!
My arm around my little brother (there are four more siblings!). That's mom's piano she bought with babysitting money. That is the music to the Mormon musical "Saturday's Warrior" and the Mormon Children's Songbook. On the wall is one of many of mom's "tufting" creations. And on the piano is a marble statue of two naked Greek wrestlers and another Greek vase from mom's exotic travels! Ahem.
The Mormon Boy Trilogy is not a musical, but all three solo shows have just enough singing to help tell the story: Confessions of a Mormon Boy, Missionary Position, and Prodigal Dad.
I hope you will look at my IndieGoGo Campaign and help me bring my beloved family's music to life Off-Broadway 2014. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-mormon-boy-trilogy/x/3023743
Donate just $10 and get the new album for free! "Confessions of a Mormon Boy (Live from London)!"
Thank you for the music!
My arm around my little brother (there are four more siblings!). That's mom's piano she bought with babysitting money. That is the music to the Mormon musical "Saturday's Warrior" and the Mormon Children's Songbook. On the wall is one of many of mom's "tufting" creations. And on the piano is a marble statue of two naked Greek wrestlers and another Greek vase from mom's exotic travels! Ahem.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Day 37 - Drug of Choice
Day 37 of Mormon Boy IndieGoGo Campaign!
What's your favorite drug of choice? Mine was always my bottle filled with milk. As you can see I was always writing and performing in my TRUTH! Notice the scriptures open, too! Ever the "oxy-Mormon", I'm bringing my intense The Mormon Boy Trilogy Off Broadway 2014--with your help. Please check out the IndieGoGo Site! http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-mormon-boy-trilogy/x/3023743
What's your favorite drug of choice? Mine was always my bottle filled with milk. As you can see I was always writing and performing in my TRUTH! Notice the scriptures open, too! Ever the "oxy-Mormon", I'm bringing my intense The Mormon Boy Trilogy Off Broadway 2014--with your help. Please check out the IndieGoGo Site! http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-mormon-boy-trilogy/x/3023743
This photo was taken when my parents were going to BYU!
I'm the oldest so I had all the time in the world to write and play
because none of my other siblings had arrived. Boy they kept me busy!
Mormon Boy Funds - IndieGoGo
Hi, friends!
I'm raising funds for "The Mormon Boy Trilogy" Off Broadway 2014. For just a $10 donation you get my new album (now on iTunes and Amazon) for FREE! It's called "Confessions of a Mormon Boy (Live from London)." It's getting all five-star reviews right now! Blessed. Grateful.
Link to IndieGoGo: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-mormon-boy-trilogy/x/3023743
Watch my pitch:
Watch my promo:
I'm raising funds for "The Mormon Boy Trilogy" Off Broadway 2014. For just a $10 donation you get my new album (now on iTunes and Amazon) for FREE! It's called "Confessions of a Mormon Boy (Live from London)." It's getting all five-star reviews right now! Blessed. Grateful.
Link to IndieGoGo: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-mormon-boy-trilogy/x/3023743
Watch my pitch:
Watch my promo:
I'm grateful for all your support and another shot at taking my creativity (and sobriety) to the next level. One day (and smile) at a time!
Much love,
Steven
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Disposable Dad
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS:
We seek better lives for children through family court reform that establishes equal rights and responsibilities for fathers and mothers. www.nationalparentsorganization.org
Mission
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)